The Black Mansion

2010 –The year I died again

January:

It's bright out here,
on this garden of gloomy hopes,
or so it seemed...

February:

I was sleepwalking, then I fell on
the flower beds as soon as she
woke me up with a phone call on
Valentine's morning.
I thought it's bright enough
last month, but compared to what I've just felt
it wasn't

March:

On my birthday, I didn't get what I wanted
And I'm not talking about something material
Perhaps, it's something I owed myself ever since
–the source of bright flash that woke me up last month
Oh! The sun is so far away, but I'm willing to do
whatever it takes to reach her

I squinted my eyes, and tried not to look
Too much radiation could cause cancer
Too much questions could kill the answer
so I sought for shelter and found a black mansion;
its black door wouldn't budge; it's locked!

April:

Nowhere to go, but this garden of gloomy hopes
where nights never existed. Finding the key for the
mansion wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be
Not because it's hidden somewhere unreachable,
but because it's probably mixed in this pile of broken copies
Tears didn't just fall like waterfalls; they fell like
roller-coasters kissing the lips of gravity

My sunburns punished me while I was searching
for the right key. After trying a hundred copies or so,
I found the "fixed" one; it fitted perfectly in the keyhole
of that door, but as soon as I turned it, it well...

broke. Forget roller-coasters! Tears formed Popsicles
as they froze, and I became numb to the heat of the sun
Or at least, I appeared to be, but to a certain degree,
I really was distracted by this problem of not being able
to find my way in, so I told her to run, run, run away!
And she did while I just stood there, in front of the door,
fighting my desire to look back and chase her
Passion was a tough opponent, and by the end of the month,
I thought I fought well as I knocked it out...
even though I'm badly beaten up

May:

Then Mother Moon arrived, and I welcomed her
I asked if she could help me find a way to enter the mansion
And with her kind wisdom, she whispered,
"It's in your heart, young one...trust me."
so I broke my ribcage, performed a surgery on myself,
and found a scroll buried between my arteries
I opened it, and discovered...nothing
White as snow, it bore no words, no art

With a perplexed face, I asked Mother Moon
if this was a mistake, and she said,
"No no no, young one. I didn't tell you to read
what's on the scroll; I want you to use it like a telescope,
and gaze towards the East. Forget what's behind the black door!"
If you listen to what your heart tells you, you'd journey
across the seas, and find yourself back to your home country
instead of locking yourself inside that dungeon. So go gaze as
much as you like, but don't gaze forever, for the one
who's waiting for you on the other side wants the warmth
that she herself couldn't provide. Go, take your possessions,
and sail away before it's too late."

With my mind juggling knives, I told her
"How could I sail away when I never had a boat to begin with?
I couldn't just swim with the sharks and throw my life away
All I know is that my final hope lies within that mansion; that's why
I'm desperately doing everything with my willpower to get in there..."

"What final hope?" Mother Moon asked

"The gold that would allow me to purchase a ship"

"Well lad, I'm glad you realized this,
for I wanted you to unravel your own mystery
Here, I'll hand you the final key!"

"You've had it all along?"

"Well, of course. This is my mansion after all."

"Then why'd you not give it to me during the day?"

"Because she occupies your mind.
Now that her light had left,
you could see me"

"But the front door seems to break every key that you put in its keyhole"

"Who said you're using the front door?"

"Ha! Don't tell me it's in my heart again."

"No, it's your mind...it's all in your thoughts"

"The black mansion is just my imagination?"

"Not just your imagination, young one. It's a metaphor of the horror you'd
have to go through in the path that you have chosen. The space between
Mars and Venus is a dark road, but God could guide you through this void"

June:

I dived into the Unknown, held my breath, and prayed...
Hopefully, I'd find the light at the end of the tunnel before darkness itself
swallows me...

2010- the year I live again,
and that's just the half of it!

(C) F.J. Bayog