Rekindle

I'm driving through a dark tunnel on a hundred-fifty miles-per-hour
Adrenaline rush with a paintbrush ready to redesign my future
U-turn is not an option. I've taken my last exit, and that means
I've crossed the Point of No Return, so it's time to burn the asphalt
Time to break the blocks, and re-assemble them like Lego
I'm going to influence the evolution of modern art like Chekhov
so I let go of the world behind me, because I must grow
a tree full of life with these seeds that I threw through the threshold
Just because I carry a suitcase and a stereo, doesn't mean I'm going retro
I'm speeding my way through disasters, so I must master my way out of this ghetto
Bomb blows the city behind me
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Damn, I must be in the 2012 movie!

I'd been lying to myself, so I silenced the voice within
(crickets chirping...)
but now I SCREAM!!!
I'm not just trying to escape, I'm chasing my dream
I'd extinguished the fire, so call it "dark desire",
but now, I...
I...
I...
Rekindle

Hate drives my creativity, I write best when I'm angriest
so go ahead, motivate me! And I'll show you a beautiful mess
I'll make monuments out of shipwrecks, make masterpieces out of rejects,
build mansions in the Projects, make pain feel like sex, so call it remix
Going through the storm with Jesus,
or the space between the Mars and the Venus
is much more than going through the rough road with a V6
Yesterday, I'm in ashes; today, I'm a phoenix,
I don't have to wait for the end of the tunnel to see the light
While I'm here, I'm going to ignite, fight, and rekindle
So let there be fire! This isn't just Revelation; this is Genesis!
This  isn't the Dark Ages; this is the Renaissance!
I'm vigorous, ready to rip a regimen,
I'm tougher than the Tank Man from Tiananmen
No longer innocent, I mix venom with Vicodin
Like Captain Planet, I combined all the elements,
sell them, and make money out of these experiments
while you feel this intense hyper experience
Taste the vengeance, no remorse, I force religions
as if I'm turning prostitutes into virgins,
I'll make a fortune out of this curse, and merge it
with a burst of encouragement

I'd been lying to myself, so I silenced the voice within
(crickets chirping...)
but now I SCREAM!!!
I'm not just trying to escape, I'm chasing my dream
I'd extinguished the fire, so call it "dark desire",
but now, I...
I...
I...
Rekindle



(C) F.J. Bayog (August 2010) 

Cottage

Deep in the forest,
you'd find my cottage by the
lake. Come here, my love!

Its walls are crumbling
down; its windows, already
shattered in pieces

Its roofs, tattered; doors,
broken, but thoughts of you still
linger in this place

We used to live here
—a home we call childhood; we'll
rebuild it someday



(C) F. J. Bayog (2010)

The Black Mansion

2010 –The year I died again

January:

It's bright out here,
on this garden of gloomy hopes,
or so it seemed...

February:

I was sleepwalking, then I fell on
the flower beds as soon as she
woke me up with a phone call on
Valentine's morning.
I thought it's bright enough
last month, but compared to what I've just felt
it wasn't

March:

On my birthday, I didn't get what I wanted
And I'm not talking about something material
Perhaps, it's something I owed myself ever since
–the source of bright flash that woke me up last month
Oh! The sun is so far away, but I'm willing to do
whatever it takes to reach her

I squinted my eyes, and tried not to look
Too much radiation could cause cancer
Too much questions could kill the answer
so I sought for shelter and found a black mansion;
its black door wouldn't budge; it's locked!

April:

Nowhere to go, but this garden of gloomy hopes
where nights never existed. Finding the key for the
mansion wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be
Not because it's hidden somewhere unreachable,
but because it's probably mixed in this pile of broken copies
Tears didn't just fall like waterfalls; they fell like
roller-coasters kissing the lips of gravity

My sunburns punished me while I was searching
for the right key. After trying a hundred copies or so,
I found the "fixed" one; it fitted perfectly in the keyhole
of that door, but as soon as I turned it, it well...

broke. Forget roller-coasters! Tears formed Popsicles
as they froze, and I became numb to the heat of the sun
Or at least, I appeared to be, but to a certain degree,
I really was distracted by this problem of not being able
to find my way in, so I told her to run, run, run away!
And she did while I just stood there, in front of the door,
fighting my desire to look back and chase her
Passion was a tough opponent, and by the end of the month,
I thought I fought well as I knocked it out...
even though I'm badly beaten up

May:

Then Mother Moon arrived, and I welcomed her
I asked if she could help me find a way to enter the mansion
And with her kind wisdom, she whispered,
"It's in your heart, young one...trust me."
so I broke my ribcage, performed a surgery on myself,
and found a scroll buried between my arteries
I opened it, and discovered...nothing
White as snow, it bore no words, no art

With a perplexed face, I asked Mother Moon
if this was a mistake, and she said,
"No no no, young one. I didn't tell you to read
what's on the scroll; I want you to use it like a telescope,
and gaze towards the East. Forget what's behind the black door!"
If you listen to what your heart tells you, you'd journey
across the seas, and find yourself back to your home country
instead of locking yourself inside that dungeon. So go gaze as
much as you like, but don't gaze forever, for the one
who's waiting for you on the other side wants the warmth
that she herself couldn't provide. Go, take your possessions,
and sail away before it's too late."

With my mind juggling knives, I told her
"How could I sail away when I never had a boat to begin with?
I couldn't just swim with the sharks and throw my life away
All I know is that my final hope lies within that mansion; that's why
I'm desperately doing everything with my willpower to get in there..."

"What final hope?" Mother Moon asked

"The gold that would allow me to purchase a ship"

"Well lad, I'm glad you realized this,
for I wanted you to unravel your own mystery
Here, I'll hand you the final key!"

"You've had it all along?"

"Well, of course. This is my mansion after all."

"Then why'd you not give it to me during the day?"

"Because she occupies your mind.
Now that her light had left,
you could see me"

"But the front door seems to break every key that you put in its keyhole"

"Who said you're using the front door?"

"Ha! Don't tell me it's in my heart again."

"No, it's your mind...it's all in your thoughts"

"The black mansion is just my imagination?"

"Not just your imagination, young one. It's a metaphor of the horror you'd
have to go through in the path that you have chosen. The space between
Mars and Venus is a dark road, but God could guide you through this void"

June:

I dived into the Unknown, held my breath, and prayed...
Hopefully, I'd find the light at the end of the tunnel before darkness itself
swallows me...

2010- the year I live again,
and that's just the half of it!

(C) F.J. Bayog

The Space Between Mars And Venus

We lost contact in space as soon as we chased
the stars that we gazed. Berna, call me "astrologist"
–I'd trace your figure a constellation a page
How could I replace these memories I couldn't erase?
I told you a thousand times, "If there's a will, there's a way"
Even if it's across the Milky Way, even if it's through the flames
I'd ride a rocket ship, and I wouldn’t give a fuck if it combusts
Let the metals rust like how love turns to lust, but just because
you said our situation's complicated, doesn't mean we have to give up
We wrote each other letters, chatted for hours online,
and when we're not preoccupied, we have each other in mind
Then, we called each other even if every minute costs a bunch,
but words alone aren't enough; that's why I rather keep in touch
physically rather than just verbally. I wish you’re here next to me,
living in Raleigh, but don’t worry, this is not the finale

It’s more like the middle; we’re wandering on the edge of a cliff
while figuring out the riddle: why revenge is a gift
Yea, we tried to get back at each other with bullshit we don’t need
Nathaniel Hawthorne said “Selfishness inspires love”,
Then I must be motivated by greed
The stakes are high; we’re gambling hopes on the table,
The limit is the sky even if the weather’s unstable
Ebay those lies twice, thrice, even if we have nothing in Paypal
The distance between Vegas and Pilipinas
feels as far as the space between Mars and Venus
Shooting stars like revolver bullets fly so fast we often forget
that our relationship is like a Russian Roulette
We spin the cylinder, pull the trigger, or bet
and then we grab what we could get

But what else could we hold onto?
This old treasure we call "childhood"?
But what about high school, college –those days without you?
Could we just recycle every minute, and call it "Brand new"?
This piece of paper would just be a piece of shit without sentimental value
We're like scratched-up platinum albums, playing sweet music, but we skip
so we either turn the volume down, break the speakers, or flip
Moods changed from honey moon to eclipse
I'm not a werewolf, a vampire, or a captain of pirate ships
I'm just a human with a dark side, craving for your siren lips

(2010- F.J. Bayog)